Everywhere I look, people are talking about "Saying Yes" and how that transforms lives. How jumping in and doing things spontaneously is a good thing. That may be a good thing, but saying yes too much can land us in places we don't want to be.
In my last post, I mentioned my car accident. While I was blessed to sustain only a head wound and a broken ankle, the accident had major impact on my life. You see, all my life I've been an achiever. For many years, I've worked hard to learn more, read more, do more. Why...because that's the what people do, isn't it? Having to stop everything because I was in the emergency room hit me like a ton of bricks. All of the sudden, I wasn't going to work that day, wouldn't go running on the weekend, couldn't even get to the bathroom on my own. As I moved through my recovery, things started to change. At first, I had to say no to many things because I couldn't physically do them--things like playing tennis with my neighborhood team and attending a school competition at a large high school 40 minutes away. It was hard to say no to the things I wanted to do, but couldn't. What was even harder though, was saying no to the things I could do, but shouldn't. In an effort to promote good healing and a more rapid recovery from my injuries, I began to put my health first. This meant leaving work on time, and not bringing work home. It meant asking for and accepting help from friends and family and sometimes even strangers. Dinners became a simple affair, even though I LOVE to cook, because I didn't have the energy for complicated, time-consuming recipes. Sometimes, I even picked up prepared food or ate cereal for dinner. The house cleaning took a backseat to other things. And you know what, it was OK. No, better than OK, it was just fine! I rested more in the evenings and went to bed early to get extra sleep. Other things changed too. I slowed down at work, out of necessity. Most of my grading and lesson planning got done in a reasonable time, and nobody seemed to notice the difference. As I started to feel better, I began to do more cooking and got out a bit more to stores. For the rest of the school year, I continued to keep my evenings quiet with no work to intrude on my rest. As the school year ended and summer began, I started to think about the big lessons from my accident. One of them was learning to say "NO" more often. I was reading Present Over Perfect, by Shauna Niequist, and really enjoying it. This quote really impacted me: “But you can’t have yes without no. Another way to say it: if you’re not careful with your yeses, you start to say no to some very important things without even realizing it. In my rampant yes-yes-yes-ing, I said no, without intending to, to rest, to peace, to groundedness, to listening, to deep and slow connection, built over years instead of moments." So, now it's January. My idea to do less and say no more, has been semi-successful. Work demands have increased this year, so I'm doing more than I planned. I'm trying to keep extra work to weekends, and only if it's absolutely necessary. That's been good. More time for self-care and more time for fun with family and friends. All good things! As you get back into the swing of things, now that school is back in session, think long and hard about what what you say "Yes" to. If the yes isn't good for you, maybe it should be a no. Until next time, Karen
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